Turning Toward Pain with an Open Heart
"When we are faced with pain, we have the option to contract and close, resist, deny, avoid, and dismiss—or open our hearts and turn toward and tend to the pain. If we don’t do the work to heal from violence and oppression, examine the small ways that we participate in violence, and work to face and dissipate our tension and stress, then we run the risk of creating more harm and suffering."
Jacoby Ballard, "A Queer Dharma: Yoga and Meditations for Liberation"
Last week, we explored the idea of turning toward pain with an open heart. I am actively working on this, not just on my mat but in my day-to-day life as well. I am absolutely somebody who, when faced with pain—especially my own—will contract by default.
I find myself contracting in my work life, personal life, and honestly, anywhere I come in contact with that pain. One of the practices for myself this week was taking a moment to consider the last time I turned towards pain with an open heart. The part of my life where it is easiest for me to do this is my relationship with my husband. In past relationships I would absolutely walk away or disconnect from a difficult conversation (in all honesty I still do this but not as much- it's a practice,) now I find myself taking that extra moment to connect with the pain I am about to feel from the difficult conversation and approach the pain and the conversation with an open heart. Now it is up to me to find ways to take this same love and dedication to the other types of pain in my life.
I want to hear from you:
What situations are easiest for you to turn towards pain with an open heart? When was the last time you were able to practice this?
One of the things I found interesting after practice this week is that when I would do an internal search for pain in my life, I would be automatically drawn to my own pain. I ended my practices this week with a compassion meditation, and part of the meditation is offering compassion to yourself- a practice I was more than happy to take part in. In my mind, that is what I had considered this chapter to be about- being compassionate to ourselves... Then in the meditation, we offered the same compassion to somebody we loved, somebody we didn't know, and finally somebody we had a difficult relationship with. Taking the time to do this last week helped open my eyes to some things.
1. Everybody has some kind of suffering going on outside of us—even (maybe especially) those with whom we have a difficult relationship. We can lighten their load by turning toward their pain with an open heart.
2. I felt most hurt by others when they didn't turn toward my pain with compassion or an open heart. So why not be someone to others that we wish we had in our lives and turn toward others' pain with an open heart and compassion?
We are diving deeper into this idea and practice this week on the mat and in my chair. I hope to see you soon or hear from you!
With Love and Light,
Aza <3
